I’m downsizing: Should I keep the flak jacket?
OCTOBER 29, 2015
A reporter who traveled the world struggles to downsize
Had anyone noticed its existence, the early ‘90s rock group Russian Bandstand would’ve been a curiosity — this sextet of moderately competent musicians had two front ladies, a Russian who sang in Italian and an Italian who sang in English.
But Russian Bandstand played only one show, in the auditorium of a nuclear research institute in Moscow, and made just one slapdash demo recording, produced by a laconic sound engineer who erased the master tape for reuse as soon as he’d handed the musicians their copies.
They were so forgettable that until he unearthed that tape a few weeks ago, the band’s main songwriter and rhythm guitarist had forgotten about them, too. He was cleaning out his basement when he found the demo stuffed in a case of other dusty cassette tapes. Two thoughts occurred to him immediately: Did I really used to listen to The Rascals and The Lovin’ Spoonful, and Is this really the first time I’ve ever thrown away my stuff?
It was. After a lifetime of moves into ever-larger places, I was downsizing for the first time, moving out of a jumbo ranch with a cavernous basement in Plymouth to a snug two-bedroom apartment with zero storage space in Boston. I had to winnow through a half century of stuff and get rid of most of it.
And that presented a problem. Toys and furniture and kitchenware and clothes could be gifted or donated, but what about the mementos like that cassette? What about the things that were junk for anyone else, but for me represented tangible evidence of long-forgotten stops along my life’s path. I couldn’t keep all of it, but I had to keep some of it.
Here’s my list. Don’t try this in your basement.
Cassette tapes
Scratchy, dusty, old, many recorded from the radio, all available on CD on Amazon, many of them unlistenable. Did I really listen to The Lovin’ Spoonful?
Verdict Toss ’em
Hang on: Along with Russian Bandstand’s, I unearthed 10 tapes with more than 100 original songs I recorded on a two-track cassette recorder, most of them unlistenable.
Verdict Keep ’em all. And therefore . . .
Cassette boom box
Verdict A must
Notebook with transcribed lyrics to “Cassidy”
In the mid-1990s, I unwittingly played in an acoustic Grateful Dead cover band in Moscow. We called ourselves Technical Difficulties because our equipment, and our resolve, often broke down. One night, I froze on stage and stared at the crowd, in a catatonic state, like Syd Barrett. It might have been while we were playing “Cassidy.”
Verdict Keep it
“Benedict Arnold, Patriot and Traitor”
My dad had the idea for the cover art for this middle school research report, a flag that’s one-third Colonial, two-thirds Union Jack. He never accepted that I didn’t inherit his ability to draw a straight line. But I got an A.
Verdict Keeper
“The Inevitable Decision”
Did I really defend the use of the atom bomb in World War II for a high school research report? I hate my young self for doing this, but I got an A.
Verdict Keeper
Bizarre ID cards
Let’s say I have no more idea than you do why I have an ID card from the USSR Ministry of Labor.
Verdict Keeper
Pictures of me when I was fat
What they don’t tell you about war reporting is that everyone you interview wants to feed you. Once a Tajik warlord served a meal cooked up from animals his men had slaughtered during target practice on a sheep pasture. Are you going to say no to heavily armed, cold-blooded killers who plop a plate of plov served with recently massacred mutton on your table? I put on 60 pounds covering wars. I have the pictures to prove it.
Verdict Keepers, all of them
Map of Northern Afghanistan that I drew
Presumably sketched after a heavy meal of range-dead sheep. My dad would’ve appreciated the straight lines.
Verdict Keeper
Log books of the Jalda I and Jalda II
Jalda was a dinky 16-foot Havencraft sloop that had no business sailing Boston’s choppy, treacherous outer harbor, where my dad often led us. I was always terrified, and from the meticulous records he kept, I can see that he occasionally was, too. Jalda II was slightly bigger and more seaworthy, so dad took bigger risks. There’s an account of us crossing the Gulf of Maine just before a hurricane hits.
Verdict Keepers
Moldy, old shoulder bag crammed with charts of everywhere we sailed
Verdict Toss the bag, keep the charts
Large bin of maps of everywhere else I’ve been
Verdict Keep the maps of countries that no longer exist. Toss the rest.
Russian Alpha Group Level II flak jacket with dented steel ballistic plates
Verdict Toss the jacket, which was made for a fat man. Keep the plates as evidence.
Single-use Atropine syringes, six doses
I was told that in case of a nerve gas attack, you stick three in yourself and three in the person next to you. Everyone else dies. Unless it’s not really nerve gas, in which case everyone else lives and you and your friend die.
Verdict A must
Nerve gas-detector sheets
They turn pink in the event of an attack.
Verdict A must
Honda EU10i 1,000-watt portable generator
Ideal for lands where there’s no electricity: the Panjshir Valley, the Pamir Mountains, Plymouth after a moderate snowfall.
Verdict Gift it
Prezident perfume for men
In the 1990s, Turkmenbashi, “the Father of the Turkmen,” created a perfume called “Prezident,” crafted in the spirit of Turkmenistan’s “policy of neutrality, friendship and cooperation with all the countries of the world.”
Verdict A must
Haverford College course-offering book, 1986-87
It could be the only proof on earth that I once taught college Russian.
Verdict Keeper
“Grammar in Second Language Learning and Instruction”
When I tell people I have a graduate degree from Bryn Mawr College, they say, “Isn’t that an all-women school?”
Verdict My master’s thesis defies comprehension, but it’s a total keeper.
Shelves full of Russian grammar books and dictionaries
In Soviet Union, book mobile comes to you.
Verdict Toss ’em
Boris Pasternak, collected works
“Doctor Zhivago” the novel is better than the movie. The CIA had it published because Pasternak was banned in the Soviet Union. It was exactly the kind of cultural meddling Putin accuses us of engaging in right now!
Verdict Gift it (to a Russian bookworm who will cherish it)
Milan Kundera, collected works
I bought all my Kundera so that people who can’t read Russian would think I’m smart, a venal trait I share with many of his characters.
Verdict Gift it (to someone like me who will cherish it)
David Filipov, collected works, 1994-2000
In a world where everything is online, why do I need paper versions of my stories?Tried to throw them away, but a friend took them “for safekeeping until I find space for them.”
Notebooks from every story I ever reported
I’d tell people that my horrendous penmanship was a tactic to confuse enemies in case my notes fell into their hands. The truth is, I can’t read my own writing. Out of hundreds of notebooks, only a few lines are legible. One highlight is an interview with Shamil Basayev, a Chechen warlord who was once Russia’s most wanted terrorist. Sample quote: “We Chechens don’t like vodka, we like weapons.”
Verdict Keep ’em all
“Coaching Writers: Editors and Reporters Working Together”
I’ve been an editor for the better part of 10 years. I really oughta read this.
Verdict Keeper